Even though sales and persuasion are essential skills, most of us would rather never try than use force, manipulation, or pressure.
An AI salesman
I got a call from a salesman at an AI lead generation company last week. He’d scrapped my phone number from somewhere on the Internet and wanted to tell me about his AI startup, which ostensibly helps companies like mine source prospects. (It was unclear if he was talking about Zander Media or Responsive Conference – or maybe neither. Rule #1: do your research.)
I told him that it was not a good time, but if he’d follow up with a 5-minute Loom video walking through how his company could help Responsive Conference, specifically, I’d watch and respond if I was interested.
He followed up the next day without the Loom, and lost my business. (Rule #2: If someone can’t follow a simple instruction when they’re most motivated to make the sale, they aren’t going to take good care of you afterwards.)
Coercive selling
That incident has me thinking that there are two distinct types of selling: coercive selling and authentic selling. And the funny punch line about today’s article is that I’m actually not sure which one is more effective.
Coercive selling is the selling we all hate. It is fast-talking salesmen, scripts, and people who won’t take no for an answer. It is the email this AI salesman sent me, requesting we schedule a call, but ignoring my requests. He followed his script without regard to his prospect – because it works.
Coercive pressure works in the short term – but it burns trust in the long run.
Authentic persuasion
The alternative to coercive selling is mostly what I write about in Snafu – genuine, authentic persuasion. Identifying what you have to offer and then finding the people who are a genuine fit for that solution. As BJ Fogg would put it: “Helping people to do things that they already want to do.”
This only comes as the result of empathy, listening, and an active desire to help.
Everyone should know how to sell, persuade, and advocate for their beliefs. But a vast majority of people – I’d estimate more than 90% of us – avoid selling entirely because we don’t know how to do so without pressure. It is easier to avoid the pain of coercion and force than to sell.
Don’t use force
The foundation of authentic selling is avoiding the use of force entirely. My friend and Responsive Conference 2025 speaker Doug Kirkpatrick describes the two principles underlying his first job at the Morning Star tomato manufacturer, which is a self-managed business that does a bulk of tomato processing in the United States. The principles are: don’t use force, and keep your commitments.
When I don’t use force in my personal relationships, I have better relationships. If I don’t berate my employees, they’re more likely to do good work. And if I don’t pressure or manipulate someone to buy from me, I may make fewer sales near term – but I’ll build better long-term relationships.
Authentic selling isn’t for everyone
I don’t write about selling for that AI salesman. He’s got his sales quota, script, and perhaps even a system that works well enough for his company. Instead, Snafu is for everyone else – the silent majority of us who avoid anything sales-related because we don’t want to use force, pressure or manipulation to get our way. Most of us would rather not sell entirely, than to use force. If we want to create lasting change we need to learn to persuade without pressure.
↓
Homework
The authentic follow-up
Sometime this week, after a conversation at work or with a friend, send the other person a short email within 24 hours summarizing their needs and without pushing your own agenda. Notice how your clarity and care affects their response.
↓
3 things I’ve loved this week
Sales book I’m re-reading:
The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer
When I think about non-coercive selling, I frequently reference Amanda Palmer’s book The Art of Asking. Charting her path from street busking musician to international star, she teaches a similar approach to self-advocacy that is rooted in authenticity, not force.
Her TED Talk The Art of Asking is a good place to start.
Article I’m thinking about:
34 Lessons from Writing Every Day for Two Decades by Ryan Holiday
Ryan Holiday is disciplined as I defined it last week – discipline as practice, not as punishment.
This article on writing illustrates the point. It's full of blunt reminders, to himself and to the reader, of what matters and how to get better at your craft.
Escapism book I’m listening to:
The Door into Summer by Robert Heinlein
My girlfriend just discovered Heinlein, so I was inspired to read some of his classics. Published in 1956, The Door into Summer is a great listen and a fun romp through time travel and cryogenic freezing.
↓
When you're ready, here's how I can help
I've begun teaching a cohort-driven course about sales for entrepreneurs, freelancers, and consultants. This is a new approach to selling for people who aren't quite comfortable - yet.
The course is going well, and I'll be starting another one soon. If you're interested, join the waitlist here.
Everyone company needs a clear story. Zander Media helps startups and global brands clarify their message and creates videos that change behavior.
Responsive: What It Takes to Create a Thriving Organization is a book for any startup founder or enterprise change lead who wants to improve their organization. And if you want to learn to do a handstand, check out How to Do a Handstand.
Responsive Conference is an annual summit that brings together 300 executives, founders, and entrepreneurs who want to make work better. Join us this September and equip your team to respond to change!
Until next week,
Robin
