Most of us don’t hate selling because we’re bad at it. We hate selling because we believe a handful of myths that make selling into something manipulative, transactional, and bad.
What follows are some of the most common myths about selling – and what actually works instead.
Myth 1: Build It and They Will Come
I remember hearing this quote when I started my first internet business in the industry that would come to be called dropshipping. I thought that if I just built an internet business, people would buy my product.
I built an online store in 2009. I created a custom website, designed a logo, registered the business, bought inventory, and wrote a 40-page business plan.
Unfortunately, I didn’t evaluate if people wanted to buy the DVDs I was selling, or if they would buy them on the Internet!
I sold nothing for six weeks. Then, I was sent a cease and desist letter by a lawyer and was scared out of business.
The best product in the world goes nowhere without promotion.
Myth 2: If You’re Good, People Will Notice
There’s no denying being good is important! It is necessary, but not sufficient.
The mistake many bootstrapped entrepreneurs make – and that I made in that first dropshipping business – is assuming being good will get you noticed.
What’s required is enough promotion that people will notice, enough of a flywheel that people want to share about your thing.
Myth 3: Business = Sales
We mistakenly believe business exists to make money. Actually, the function of a business is to solve a problem.
Every business exists to solve a specific problem:
- Robin’s Cafe provides coffee, quick food, and somewhere to sit.
- Responsive Conference helps people learn to build better organizations. It provides hope, new ideas, and community.
- Zander Media helps big companies tell their stories.
- Snafu helps non-salespeople speak up and ask for what they want.
But in order to solve a problem, the business also has to communicate about that solution. That’s sales.
You cannot build a successful business by offering a solution that nobody receives.
Myth 4: Always Be Closing
When we think of selling, what usually comes to mind is Glengarry Glen Ross or The Wolf of Wall Street.
That "always-be-closing" ethos has given salesmen a bad name. When we push to close a deal, we limit the opportunity and alienate people, especially in the long-term.
The goal of a great non-sales seller is not to get everyone to say yes, but to create as many opportunities as possible. In short, to be as useful to people as possible – and occasionally to ask, "Would you like to buy my stuff?"
Don’t always be closing. Instead, always be helpful and occasionally ask if they’d like to buy what you have to sell.
Myth 5: Just Use Pressure
When I was 10 years old, two Mormon missionaries came to my house. They asked me about my faith, and when I said that I was an atheist, they told me that I was going to go to hell.
Not only did I not change my mind at that moment, but for the thirty years since I’ve had a chip on my shoulder about Mormon missionaries.
Pressure doesn't work, and particularly not in the long term.
Myth 6: Selling Requires Persuading People
Years ago, when I was working alongside the Persuasive Technology Lab at Stanford, BJ Fogg told me not to try to persuade the unpersuadable, but to find what people I was talking to already wanted and make it easier for them to say “yes.”
That idea informs everything I do.
Successful salespeople don't do anything to anybody else.
Trying to get someone to do something is counterproductive. We are all great at sensing ulterior motives – and avoiding them.
Instead, selling is about helping people, being useful, and being of service. Selling is about helping people make a decision they already want to make.
Myth 7: Sales Is Manipulation
Manipulation is trying to get people to do things that they do not want to do.
Selling, by contrast, is inviting somebody to do something – including buying something – that they believe they want and will benefit them.
Selling also means trusting that they know what's best for themselves.
Selling and persuasion aren’t inherently good or bad. It is how they are used that determines their worth.
Whenever we approach selling with an eye towards helping people, we rarely go wrong.
Myth 8: It Isn’t a Popularity Contest
When I graduated high school, my mother told me that everything was going to get better from here. She explained that unlike middle school, where I was bullied, or high school, where I felt alone, life after high school wasn't a popularity contest.
My mother, bless her, was wrong.
In business and in life, being liked by a lot of people is a competitive advantage.
Your product has to be at least as good as anybody else – and ideally much better. But if you know lots of people and are liked by many of them, you'll do well.
Conversely, if you are unknown or unheard – no matter how good your product or service may be – it is very hard to succeed.
Myth 9: You Have to Be Loud, Brash, and Gregarious
There’s a stereotype of salesmen as loud, brash, and gregarious. That you have to talk to lots of people and charm them.
That’s one way to do it, certainly. But selling is actually much simpler than that.
I was discussing with Snafu Conference speaker David Shackelford over the weekend, sales is very simple:
- Figure out who your customer is.
- Determine what they need.
- Figure out how to meet their need.
- Communicate that you’re able to do so.
It doesn’t matter if you are loud or quiet; persuasive or inquiring. You just have to follow those four steps.
Myth 10: Nice Guys Finish Last
There's a common misconception that in order to get ahead you have to be willing to play rough.
Don't get me wrong. I am all for ambition and pig-headedness; for chasing what you want and running through walls in order to get it. But it's also incorrect that assholes finish first and nice guys finish last.
While it might look that way at the beginning of the race, jerks always get what’s coming to them.
The difference is that nice people tend to be much quieter about it.
I'm not here to tell you that life is fair. It certainly hasn't been my experience that just by being nice you will get ahead.
But when you are nice, do well by other people, build relationships for longer, and are still determined and hardworking towards the outcomes that you want, you’ll go much further. You’ll also have a better time along the way.
3 Things I’ve Loved This Week
Somehow I had made it this long without reading anything by Michael Lewis, and now I'm obsessed.
I picked up Going Infinite, Michael Lewis's story about the rise and fall of Sam Bankman-Fried. I hadn't paid a lot of attention to the controversy around him. And actually found him a more sympathetic character than I was expecting.
SBF reminds me of Tony Hsieh, who was also a brilliant and troubled eccentric.I’m now onto reading Michael Lewis’ first book, Liar’s Poker.
I don’t set New Year's resolutions. As a former personal trainer and longtime gym rat, I know how many New Year's resolutions get set in January and abandoned before February.
Instead, every December I look back on my calendar from the year before and note peak highs and lows.
Here’s my process.
I only read the first book in the Silo trilogy, but I'm an unapologetic fan of the author, Hugh Howey. He writes well (obviously) but about art, creativity, and life – not just dystopian science fiction.
His latest article struck a chord. He reflects on his own success, what AI will do to writing, and what we can do about it.
Want more?
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A few months ago, I began sorting Snafu articles into categories and realized how many were really How-Tos — fasting, buying a used car, raising a puppy, buying a house. This e-book collects those experiments and what I learned along the way. Download it free.
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The Snafu Conference is an immersive 1-day experience about authentic selling in a chaotic world. The summit will take place on March 5, 2026 at the Oakland Museum of California. Ticket prices go up soon, so get yours now!
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Responsive Conference is coming back in 2026! With AI and a changing economy, our jobs and careers are changing faster than most of us can adapt. Attend Responsive Conference and learn how to keep up with change. Ticket prices go up soon, so don't wait!
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Until next week,
Robin
